know, I know...

Yes I know I promised to blog daily however yesterday was a ridiculous day and when my feet came home it was time to relax and unwind and not think about all the money spent.

I went to see a dentist, who was lovely, however she also told me that I had 5 teeth that required filling. Well two got done $355 I walked out of there thinking there was a reason I delayed paying the water bill. Yes, I do have private health insurance however the card was "expired" according to the system despite the fact I pay more than $100 per month to have it. And ofcourse the call centre was closed. So $355 later, I have 2 fillings, yippee!

Next stop was the cinema, my partner and my son went to watch a new Australian movie called Red Dog. Don't miss out on this glorious movie, it was simple yet touching and didn't require violence, swearing or sex unlike mainstream movies seem to require these days. I loved the simplicity of the town and how this dog rounded up a whole community. My son cried, I cried and well the rest of the cinema including the pesky and noisy teenagers sitting inconveniently behind us.

After that we all went home to relax, have some rest and then have a lovely Thai dinner and watch some movies.

Unfortunately the evening ended with a sour note where an argument over nothing really boiled over and the evening ended abruptly with me going to bed. I have woken today with puffy eyes, a sore throat, and looking as though I did not sleep a wink, I really don't enjoy arguing, does anyone except for lawyers? I can't stand the pain and the frustration that goes on. Yet it keeps occurring, its as though it is an never ending nightmare. Yes, I understand people are very different and therefore thoughts are different however I realise you cannot convince a sheltered person otherwise and resistance is futile.

Today has been a non productive day as I stare outside at the glorious weather, sipping tea, listening to the sound of lawnmowers and tools nearby I ponder and wonder, how did we get to this point?

A relationship when you already have a child is so difficult especially when the other person cannot empathise with you and doesn't understand the daily battles single parents have. We are always questioning ourselves and wondering if we are doing the best we can for our children, are we there enough to support them? Do we work too much? Are we selfish for wanting adult time alone without our child? We feel bad because we can't attend the school concert due to work commitments, we feel even worse when we take our sick child to work because there is no other option because work needs to be done and there is no one else who can help you look after your child....These are our daily burdens and we constantly question ourselves if what we are doing is enough, and I personally on a daily basis question if the decisions I have made are the best for my son and what I could do to make his life easier....Have I failed as a parent?

Friday, Friday I am in love

I am so grateful the work week is over. The house is overrun with dog hairs, lots of washing and I feel like the worst housekeeper in the world! do you ever feel that way?

I will be spending my weekend cleaning the house only to have it falling apart mid week yet again. I have tried so many systems yet nothing seems to function in this home except for chaos.

Tonight I am having a relaxing evening watching movies, typing my blog and just snuggling up under the doona wishing Summer would finally drop by and say a proper hello! What systems do you use to keep your house tidy? how do you cope with the never ending loads of everything that needs to be done and also be a good parent and employee/employer? How do you unwind after a long week where you feel like it would never end?

My son is begging me to take him to the movies so we may venture there to watch an Australian movie called Red Dog. It's a gorgeous story about a dog that unites a country town. A feelgood movie is what's needed considering the dire situation of the world.

I have actually decided to no longer watch or read the news and simply wait for people to tell me if anything interesting occurs. The news is simply too depressing for my mind and it seems the media just wants us to be scared and obedient little people which quite frankly I am not interested in. They are already turning the country into a nanny state where we are being told what to do, how to breathe, what to drink and bans are being imposed willy-nilly. Its not a future I want for my child. Freedom is what I signed up for not for someone in a glass office up high who knows nothing telling me how I should run my life. My mother ran away from a communist country to give me a better life and that is exactly what I want.

Maybe I am just seeing things through cynical eyes who no longer see the positive but rather question why and what do they want in return. A sad existence isn't it?

Til nex time...

Starting again...

I have started and killed so many blogs in my short non career as a blogger I wonder if this will be it or not. Will I succumb to day to day life or will I find the 15 minutes Ev Bogue has challenged me to find daily to blog away my thoughts, dreams and life?

As they say only time will tell though I must say I had an extra incentive today that I cannot disclose for now however I have decided I would like to live my life writing. It has been a lifelong dream and each time I would find that "but" word and not follow my dreams. But I fell pregnant, but I got divorced, but I have a child to take care of, but I have a mortgage. Today I decided enough was enough and that I needed to recommence the gift I have been neglecting so dreadfully.

Have you ever stalled on your dreams? Have you ever though but or tomorrow or when I....? I am certainly guilty of this when it comes to most things like renovating, like finding a high school for my son, like redoing the backyard. Unfortunately it gets us nowhere doesn't it? Yet we all do it, day in and day out.

Parenting is definitely a hard job isn't it? Especially when you are alone with no one to share your hopes, sadness and worries with. I became a mum at quite a young age and it has been a difficult path yet it has made me into a stronger person even though I still procrastinate! My boy is nine years old and can be an utter handful at times and a joy most times. Don't worry we do have our Bart/Homer moments however most times we work things out by talking. A completely different way to how I was raised and I am proud for making it as far as I have. There are still plenty of goals I wish to achieve, dreams to fulfill and the world to travel, all in due course. For now I am enjoying hearing the bare feet on the floorboards in the morning, the laughing, the cuddles, the smile and simply enjoying him.

Til next time!